I found myself reminiscing on the early days of my son’s existence. We had brought him home after four days in hospital. I was exhausted and overwhelmed. I loved him, but I didn’t love being a mom right away.
I was recovering from a c-section, the house was a mess, the baby was crying and I was dying inside. My love helped, but it felt like no matter how great of a dad he was I wasn’t ready as a mom.
I hardly had family over and then he did the unthinkable…He invited lots of friends and some strangers to our house to see our baby! He didn’t tell me anything and before I knew it I had a house full of people and no energy to entertain them.
I wasn’t ready for people. I couldn’t find my feet as a mother. I remember fumbling around with a new baby, trying to make supper. I’m sure I made a fool of myself that day.
It was the worst!
My son had such bad colic at the time too so he cried and cried for hours at a time. I was spent.
I had no idea I had symptoms of post-natal depression, because I thought it was when you don’t love your child at all. I love him so much, but I felt overwhelmed by the process and mental change of becoming a mom.
This experience changed my outlook on depression. I also try to be more gentle with myself as a mother. I’m doing the best I can.
Thanks for reading.