A - Z Challenge

Just be the mother you want to be

J

Ever since I started showing people felt the need to chip in on my life. It was like my pregnancy gave them permission to give unsolicited and often negative advice, even in public settings. I understand that people mean well most of the time, but little room is allowed to be the mom you choose to be.

 

I remember walking in the mall and a woman came up to me and asked “You aren’t planning to breastfeed, are you? Breastfeeding ruined my daughter’s breasts”, I just smiled and continued shopping. I didn’t feel like I should tell a stranger what choice I was going to make, because it wouldn’t impact her life in any way whatsoever. Another woman said “Oh! You’re too young to have a baby!” out loud while I was at the fish and chips shop. I said, “Yes I am young, but I’m capable”, what did it matter to her? She wouldn’t have to help me raise my son or help me pay my bills at the end of the month.

Just be the mother you want to be

It doesn’t matter what people think. You are the mother. You make the decisions. You know your child and what your child needs. Breast or bottle – at least the child gets fed. Co-sleep or Crib – you decide! At least both of you are getting some sleep. Home school or play school – either way, you know best.

 

Be true to yourself and raise your child the way you wish. You are a great mom and you are doing your best. Don’t let anyone try and take that from you.

 

Let me know what you think. Don’t be afraid to comment in the box below.

 

Love and Blessings,

Lindsay Sign Off

 

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46 thoughts on “Just be the mother you want to be

  1. Some people have such a nerve, I can remember a couple of similar comments when I was pregnant. It’s as though they think they know best and they feel the need to share their wisdom, when we can fumble through and find our own. I agree with you Lindsay, all we can do is be true to ourselves and be the best we can be. And that’s usually enough. Great J post.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think it goes back to the saying “Think before you speak”. I remember someone asking me if I’m having twins. No, I’m just massive thank you. I’m sure all pregnant women go through something similar. Thanks for your kind words. I think our motherly instincts are a very good indicator of what to do.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. For me it wasn’t always the advice, it was “oh, you must be so relieved to be having a boy!” Or “your husband must be finally happy since you are having a boy!” Or “now that you have your boy, you can stop having kids.”
    I had 2 girls hen my boy and people are just rude. They didn’t know that my husband actually was convinced we were having a girl and had a name picked out. They didn’t know that actually, during the time, I would have enjoyed having all girls. Or that actually, having a boy is not going to be the reason we do or don’t have more children. I just smile and usually don’t comment.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree with you. I got the same. Mr has a daughter from a previous relationship and I have a son so people just assumed I have enough children. Whether I stop or not has nothing to do with you! Sometimes the best thing to say is nothing at all. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I apologize for the length of this response, but I’ve had years to think about this very thing, and I do have an opinion that I’m going to share with you. 🙂

    Every woman’s first pregnancy adds her to an unbroken line of motherhood that stretches back to the beginning of humanity. It’s full of history and foolishness, tragedy and wisdom. Learning from the past is a tricky art very few of us value highly enough.

    When women I didn’t know offered unsolicited advice, at first I wondered what made a total stranger feel so connected to me that they were comfortable approaching someone they didn’t know to share something they obviously thought was important. Was that easy for them to do, or did it take courage? Should I care about that? Well, I suppose loving my sister as myself would mean I should.

    Does it make any difference that you asked me to comment? I don’t think so. It seems to me that my words to you come from the same place of caring and experience that a stranger’s unasked for advice comes from. Or do you feel they might have evil motives? Are they really trying make you be a certain kind of mother against your will, or is their communication really more about themselves and what they feel a need to do or say, than it is about you?

    Besides, just because they offer advice doesn’t mean we have to take it. It’s just one more thing to consider as we face parenting challenges we couldn’t possibly anticipate. (My parents offered advice all the time that I, in my desire to run my own life, ignored. 🙂 )

    So what did it hurt for me to allow a woman who felt a connection that I had yet to understand, to share herself and what she had experienced? It hurt nothing, and, in fact, deepened my own connection to womanhood and motherhood.

    Of course you’re free to ignore anything I’ve said here, and it won’t offend me any more than my saying these things was meant to offend you. It wasn’t.

    Maybe look at it this way, that stranger sharing what she believes is valuable information from her own pregnancy experience (or her daughter’s, lol), isn’t really far different from a pregnant lady sharing her experience in real time online. It’s an offering. A connection. A way to share our human experience.

    Isn’t it? ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. While I get what you’re saying I believe someone should really think before saying “you’re not going to breastfeed are you because they messed up my daughters breasts”. That information is false. My 2 cents😉

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Thanks for joining the discussion, I agree people should think first. All we have to do is look at the unfounded opinions and false “facts” that fly back and forth across the internet to see the evidence that people mostly don’t think first. Yet that woman probably believed what she was saying, and honestly felt she was giving good advice. Isn’t it then up to the pregnant woman to do the research to see if there’s any possibility the woman knew what she was talking about? You might not even need research to debunk that one, but even if she were right and I disagreed, then personally, I’d be inclined to let it roll off — no harm done. Why waste my good feelings over something that has no importance?

        Liked by 2 people

  4. I dealt with a lot of judgement when my son was growing up. I was a very different mom than the rest of my family and friends. The examples are endless…from being told that the reason spanking didn’t work with our son was because we were not hitting him hard enough…(This one still makes me uneasy) to being asked what was wrong with our son when we chose to homeschool him. Really?
    I’ve always believed that every child is different and if you pay attention to what their needs are you will parent THAT child the right way.
    I made LOADS of mistakes, but I stand by the big choices we made in parenting him.

    All that said, each child, mother, father and family are different and while opinions are nice and usually meant to be helpful from those that know us, I personally think it’s strange to give ‘advice’ to a stranger.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I have similar issues when it comes to home schooling. We speak 3 languages at home and my inlaws always say that I’m doing a bad job with him,because he isn’t speaking as fast as other kids who speak one language.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ha! Wow. We homeschooled our son until he was in the 7th grade and then he went to a college prep virtual school here in Texas. He took honors and AP classes from the get go and he graduated in the top 6% of his class…meaning he was guaranteed acceptance into any public college in the state of Texas.
        I don’t need to tell all the nay-sayers this…but it’s all the validation we needed to know we did the right thing for our kid. Good luck on your HS journey. I loved ever second of it. 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

      2. We homeschool as well and my 8 year old is advanced but I don’t tell my friend who is against homeschooling (her son is in ps and failing) when she asks how he’s doing. I say he’s doing well.

        Liked by 2 people

      3. My son is very strong willed so I doubt that regular play school is for him. He doesn’t really enjoy following rules or sticking to a schedule. I’ll hold out on a school for now. He really enjoys maths and numbers. It is so great to hear your HS journey. You did a great job!

        Liked by 1 person

      1. I really don´t know 😦 I mean, I can see that they are curious and just want to share in your happiness, but they also have to see that they should respect the private space every human being and especially a to-be-mom needs.

        Liked by 1 person

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