Parenting

The Stay at Home Mom Blues

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I struggled writing this post, because I know it’s a touchy subject. I am in no way elevating being a Stay at Home Mom over being a working mom. I admire working moms and they have so much to deal with at work and at home. My blog is where I air my feelings and I believe this post is an important one for my healing. Being a parent is hard enough, without playing the comparison game.

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I love being a Stay at Home Mom most of the time. It is wonderful to watch my son grow and develop daily, knowing that I’m the one teaching him how to count and read his ABCs. It has definitely strengthened the bond between the two of us, but being a SAHM has a dark side.

The isolation and lack of adult conversation can get to me, especially when Mr is away for work. It drives me a little loopy. The cartoons, children’s songs and endless children’s activities don’t help either.

I feel like I do the same thing every day. I cook, clean and school the little one every day and it feels like a never ending cycle. I’m so used to doing the same things that I start believing I’m doing nothing at all, because these tasks give me no sense of achievement.

There is no glory in SAHM work. There’s no employee of the month accolades or a great job doing that ironing. Everything is just expected to be done and no appreciation or thanks is given.

I undervalue myself. I often undervalue everything I do for my family. The seemingly mundane things I do every day adds value by making everyone else’s lives easier. I have a purpose in this life and I should be kind and gentle to myself every day.

I am grateful that I am able to be a SAHM and I appreciate every single thing Mr does for me and our family. He works extremely hard to provide for us and I must say that I love being a SAHM (most of the time) 😉

 

Are you a SAHM? Do you love it or hate it? Let me know by commenting below!

 

Love and Blessings,

Lindsay Sign Off

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38 thoughts on “The Stay at Home Mom Blues

  1. Oh Lindsay, I wish you were here right now so I could give you a big hug. I so relate to everything you said here. I’m not a SAHM and yet I’ve been home for the past few years since my last contract job ended and feeling the isolation. I do freelance work at home so I don’t get out to a normal office to interact. My kids are both older and becoming independant and that leaves me kinda searching … looking for a life direction and purpose. Sometimes I just feel as though I’m drifting.

    I understand your feelings of being undervalued and of doing the same things everyday. But always remember Lindsay, you’re doing the most important job, you are carving out security for your family, you are setting the foundations of your little one’s life. You are the constant and the rock holding everything and everyone together. Even if you don’t feel like it, you are. Be strong my friend. The blues will pass. The light side will eventually overshadow the dark side! 🙂 xox

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Gosh Miriam this comment brought tears to my eyes. Blogging has helped with the feeling of isolation 🙂 Thank you for always being there for me. I hope things get better for you too now that your children are entering a new phase in their lives too. You will still be needed to guide them through. ❤

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      1. Thanks Lindsay, that’s what hubbs says too, that I’m still needed to guide them and maybe it’s true. Just feel I need something else as well but I guess when the time’s right … In the meantime, always happy to be there for you. You take care. 🙂

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  2. There are pros and cons to each one, staying at home or working at a paying job. Often we see the other side of the fence as greener. It is very important to value each woman’s experience without judging. I was a working mom of young children. I dreamed of being stay at home. My sister was stay at home and feels she missed out on having a professional life. Hang in there and do what you feel is best and what works for your family.

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    1. I agree, the grass is always greener where you water it. 🙂 Each person’s journey is different and we should be kinder with ourselves on our journey. Luckily I don’t wake up with a sense of dread every morning, it’s more of a passing feeling. Thanks for taking the time to read this post and comment as well. Have a wonderful day 🙂

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  3. Lindsay I could not agree more! Being a SAHM is a thankless as it is rewarding. We all need praise, SAHM’S are no different, but rarely will we get it. I know how frustrating it is to feel the weight of the house on my shoulders. God forbid someone’s jersey isn’t clean, but do they thank you if it is? No! But they’ll yell at you if it isn’t you can bet on that! I wish I knew other SAHM’s in my area so we could get together for mommy and kid play dates but unfortunately I don’t fit in with the other moms. I’m different. I’m covered in tattoos, I’m not conventional, I do things backwards, I hate chit chat, I don’t craft, and I hate shopping! So it’s hard for me to make friends, as outgoing as I am I love my space but then when I’m lonely I wish there were people around. I’m a walking contradiction.. I’m a writer lol.. xoxox sending you hugs

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    1. Someone said a Stay at Home Mom’s work is only noticed when she doesn’t do it. Haha! I hate shopping too, I was in the mall on Monday and I was getting so frustrated. It was like our entire city was in that mall. Hugs to you. Stay strong ❤

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  4. I felt you took a page from my life. It is rewarding but I’ve been the working mom as well and I love both. I wish I could contribute to our finances but for us homeschooling outweighs everything else. That’s why I’m working on my BA that way I can have both worlds! This blogging gig has helped with my loneliness. I’ve “met” you and a whole sluice of other people!

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  5. I’ve often thought that that must be the hardest thing about being a stay at home parent. My partner and I have both said we’d be happy to stay at home whenever we decide to start a family, and this is the stuff I worry about. Still, you and your partner are a team and as long as you both acknowledge each other’s roles then you should be fine! 😄 Best of luck with everything, Lindsay. Your posts are so down-to-earth and honest.

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  6. I have the utmost respect for stay at home Moms!! I couldn’t do it. It is the hardest job I know of. At least I get to go to the bathroom by myself at work! lol But I am also lucky that I work across the street from home. So I can go back and forth any time.

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  7. Lindsay, OMW, I hear what you are saying and can relate. Being a SAHM certainly has its perks, but my goodness that lack of adult conversation steps in, not only that but I get the feeling that my brain just does not get the stimulation that it should, When my hubby gets home, he just wants to chill and not talk, and all I want to do ‘is’ talk as I have not seen or spoken to an adult all day. When he travels, it is worse! Don’t get me wrong, I do love being at home, and love taking care of my daughter, and I know these feeling come and go. It is good to know that I am not the only one feeling like this at times.

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    1. I totally relate. We have so much to say when they come home, I understand that our men can feel overwhelmed. I’m always here if you need to talk ❤ Love to you and your family. Have a blessed Mother's Day!

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  8. I had a very good career when I gave birth to my son, and I was a single parent from Day 1. I was allowed to work from home for 3 months after he was born, then I was allowed to bring him to work with me till he was 6 months old. I enjoyed my career. It was challenging, involved a lot of other people, and was important work with our National Forests. But having someone else care for him was killing me, so I made the financially questionable, but emotionally crucial decision to quit working outside the home.

    Being a single mom, though, I still had to provide an income, and because I believed it would benefit my son to have other children around, I decided to become a licensed Child Care Provider. That became my career for more than 22 years. Maybe the biggest advantage it brought with it was daily contact with my kids’ parents, my clients — most of whom became very good friends.

    We home-schooled from 3rd through 8th grade, which all my parents thought benefited their kids, too. When my son was 9, we got involved in a children’s theatre group — and I took all my kids everywhere we went. Plenty of other kids — and adults — to spend time with.

    As your boy gets older, maybe you can find those kinds of activities, too, that will be stimulating for your entire family — certainly for you! There may be playgroups you could find now, or start for yourself, even if it’s just with one other child in your neighborhood. Not to drop a child off, but to stay and visit with another parent while the kids play.

    You might also consider finding — or starting — a book discussion group. Even if it’s only once a month, it could provide some of the mental stimulation you don’t feel you’re getting right now.

    But no matter what, Lindsay, your job as a stay-at-home-mom isn’t thankless. The thanks are merely delayed. (Although Mr is probably thankful!) Your son is going to thank you with all his heart when he’s old enough to finally understand the gift you have given him. ❤

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  9. Thanks for commenting Sue! The community I live in is pretty closed, but there are lots of things happening in a bigger suburb close to us and that is probably where I have to start looking for a mom and tots group 🙂 Thank you for your kindness. I suppose this is a phase that will pass. I hope that he will be thankful ❤

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  10. I’m a new stay at home mom. I have been a teacher for the past 3 years and was pregnant for all of them at some point. After having to keep leaving 2 little girls at home this past year, we made the decision for me to quit my job and raise them. I’ve officially been a SAHM for 2 days now and it has been wonderful! But everything you have posted is what others have told me while eventually happen. So I’m going to follow you because what you’re saying is truth! I feel like there will be a day that I’m feeling the same way and I’ll want to look back on this and the comments for encouragement 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Love it but I definitely feel you on this subject. Been a stay at home wife/mom 7 yrs. It’s wonderful to watch every step of their growing process but as busy as I stay with my three kids I still can feel lonely at times with the lack of adult interactions and conversations. But I will say I would not trade it for anything. I hate when we are ridiculed in a way for not working, but if a husband and wife agree that the husband will work and wife take care of home and kids then it’s really no one else’s concern. I’m in no way putting a sahm above a working one but our responsibilities at home are just as much hard work as going to a 9 to 5 job everyday.

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  12. I plenty of times doubt being a homemaker. But I then remind myself my family needs me. Don’t do housework for a week. If your house is upside down by then, I bet you will value your job in the home alot more.

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  13. I have struggled on and off with the sahm blues. My daughter is fourteen months but I have been a homemaker for almost two years, and I didn’t have a car until about three months ago. I have extreme social anxiety so it is really hard for me to get out and meet new groups of people, though I have a friend who often invites me to events for sahms. I how found that making and achieving exercise goals can really help me feel like I’ve accomplished something (though I usually have a hard time sticking to them lol). I also found my one other stay at home mom friend who shares extremely similar views and parenting practices with me, which really helps me. We joined the local YMCA, so I take my daughter to the pool a few times a week with my mom as well as sometimes going up and working out (I still feel bad leaving her with the babysitters even though they are extremely nice). Getting out and visiting friends has really been key in keeping me out of the blues/burnout. I love schedules, but I really find that schedules tend to really burn me out (at least while she’s this young). I like some randomness to the day (except we do have set nap times, bed times, and food times).

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  14. I love being a SAHM. But I also hate it. The love hate realization of being a SAHM is intense. But I’ve also been a working mom. And now that’s its been 5 years and another kiddo, it’s definitely hard to imagine my life working AND mommying. My husband is a god send but I feel like my house would completely fall apart if I was somewhere else 8 hrs a day. Thankfully I don’t have to make that choice. But many mom’s do. I love my kiddos. But man what I wouldn’t give for my own fabric stash account!! 😉 Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know exactly what you mean. We haven’t gotten to the point of having another baby, yet… I feel busier now than I did when I was working full time, but maybe the writing has me preoccupied most of the time. All the best to you ❤ I hope we become great friends.

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