I felt like a different person after I had given birth to my son. There was a certain level of grief and understanding that I wouldn’t be just Lindsay anymore. I was Lindsay and baby now. I was responsible for raising another human being in the best way possible. This seemed like a lot of pressure.
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I felt like I had lost myself for a minute. I slipped deeper and deeper into post-natal depression. It wasn’t my son’s fault or mine. I just didn’t know who and what I needed to be at the time.
I felt overwhelmed and didn’t have a voice to speak out. Even if I had a voice, I don’t think I would have been able to convey what I needed. I didn’t know what that was.
Add a baby with colic and teething straight after that, a man that needed me to be the partner that I always was and a step daughter that expected so much from me and you have a recipe for disaster.
I was losing myself in the “Mommyness” of everything. It was so difficult to cope and everyone expected me to do well, but I felt like I didn’t love myself at all.
Things got better as my son got older. He was becoming more independent and I learned how to delegate tasks that I couldn’t get around to. I started to appreciate those around me and accepted the help that I was offered.
I didn’t have to do everything alone as I thought I would. It was okay to admit that I needed help and I had no idea what to do. It was fine to admit that I was failing. The little that I was capable was enough of a starting point to build on and become the mother I knew I could be.
Motherhood was a humbling experience. I realised that I needed to learn how to accept help and share the experience, because I was not alone. I had my partner and my family. I had to let go and lean on them.
I may have lost the Lindsay I was before, but the Lindsay I am now and the Lindsay I’ve become is so much better and I thank my kids for that.
Did you lose a part of yourself during or after pregnancy? Let me know what you think of this post by commenting below. I’d love to hear from you!
Love and Blessings,