Fatherhood for the second time

*Disclaimer: I use the term “my pregnancy” to differentiate between his first and second pregnancies. It was definitely more “our pregnancy” than mine.

My pregnancy wasn’t my partner’s first pregnancy; he had fathered a daughter from a previous relationship seven years prior to my pregnancy. This brought an extra layer of knowledge and made for an interesting pregnancy.

He is a loving and supportive partner, especially when I was pregnant. He would accompany me to my doctor’s appointments, massage my legs and feet when they ached and even purchase deep fried crispy hot wings at 11PM.

 

Despite all this I still had the feeling that I wish he were more physically involved in my pregnancy, like how he would tell me he was with his first. I didn’t want to compare, because I wasn’t a very needy pregnant person. In fact I was very active and independent. I remember picking my step daughter from school one day. “When are you having your baby?” her teacher asked. “Tomorrow”, I replied. I like to do everything myself. That’s just me, so I suppose I didn’t give him much room to act. I wish he would have sung to my belly or been more excited. Sometimes it felt like he had been through it before and nothing new and exciting was happening so he checked out in that regard. It was as if he left me to experience pregnancy on my own.

 

On the other hand I liked that he had experienced this before. When my son kicked for the first time, I was convinced that I was dying and we had to go to the hospital ASAP. Luckily his hand was on my belly and he felt the movement too. So I just over reacted and life resumed as usual. He helped me make lots of rational and difficult decisions during my pregnancy.

 

I didn’t enjoy having to hear daily comparisons between the first pregnancy and mine. Some were good and some were bad. I know that we are two completely different women from completely different circumstances with completely different beliefs. I didn’t want to feel less than or more than. I just wanted to feel like he was supporting me fully, without comparison.

What I do take away from my experience is the following:

1. No two pregnancies are the same.
2. Talk about how you feel.
3. Enjoy every moment, good and bad.
4. Let your partner know how you want them to be involved. They can’t meet your expectations if they don’t know them.

I didn’t let him know how I felt about this until earlier this year. He was quite shocked, because he thought he was doing and saying the right things. I should have spoken about this while I was pregnant. The outcome would have been so different. He is a loving and dedicated father to both of his children. I am so grateful to have him and my step daughter in my life.

 

Have you gone through a similar situation?

Let me know, I’d love to hear from you.

 

Love and Blessings,